it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
