mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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