sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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