come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
