I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I currently don't understand fingers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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