I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
