Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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