whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am mentally ready for anal.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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