Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
