Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
