Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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