I skipped work to stalk him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
