he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize