I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
