the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You're like the curious george of whores
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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