Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
