Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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