Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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