Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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