Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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