lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
