So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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