We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
