She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
