loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
His nipple licking is glorious
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
