dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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