you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize