dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
