Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize