dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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