You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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