chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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