Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
