meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
