Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
