toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
