I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize