Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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