The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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