on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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