a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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