Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
