and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
