After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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