we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
