Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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