I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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