Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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