This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
