Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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