last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
