I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
