I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
