Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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