Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize