I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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