last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
