i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
