he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize
