I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
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