i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
