I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
