Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
