watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
